I had a random thought just now.  Then realized it could quite possibly be true, and so that’s that.  I woke up today feeling so resolved to doing well.  I thought, “Today won’t be a hard day food-wise.  I will easily be in control.”  I went to weigh in, and lost another 1.25 lbs.  Hurray!  Then, as I was fixing lunch for the kids, I popped… THREE slices of salami in my mouth.  Yeah, it was so darn flavorful, I couldn’t stop after the first slice and I didn’t even give myself a chance to talk myself out of it.  I thought to myself, wow, that was a quick sin there.  Hmm, well, be careful dangit, it wasn’t even worth it!

So then I went on to make my meal.  Iknew I could have a certain amount of the ground turkey, so I had plannedto throw that on a bed of lettuce with tomato and even sprinkle a bit of cheese on it (since I’d be having less than my serving size of turkey) blah blah, story short.  I ended up grabbing a tiny half of a sweet potato and eating that, too, along with the corn tortilla.  Having ONE of those starches would have been fine, but I had both.  I did okay on the other choices, but I really wish I would have just taken my time to think things through.

The day I thought that I was in control, it was more like being too relaxed – so I thought “Oh, I can have this and that.  I’ll be fine, I’m in control.”  I must also be dillusional because that’s how falling back into the bad habit starts!  You START with a little bit here and there, and next thing you know you figure you’ve “ruined” the day and might as well give in.  And then after that you figure, “I did crappy today, might as well just start again on Monday…

as if my body cares what day it is.

And the truth is, do I want to “start over again?” or realize I didn’t ever fall off – just lost my focus, that’s all.  I certainly do not want to “start again” because that would imply that I failed, or fell off.  To me, it does, and I can’t be havin’ that. So instead, I’m going to acknowledge my loss of focus, and get RIGHT back on track as if it didn’t happen at all.  I’m going to take an extra long walk today and call it a day, I’m not gonna obsess and beat myself up.

But I realized that those times when I think “I’ve got this” for me, that means I need to pay extra close attention… because the old Coley thinks she can creep in at those times.  And that ain’t happenin’!!