It’s been good having this space. I come here and confess and contemplate the psychology of this whole weight loss stuff. Weight loss shinnanigans. I am ever so proud to say I’m here, and healthy. I went out of town Saturday afternoon and it was such a hectic day that I didn’t remember to pack my foods and snacks. I went out of town to my friends house… without backups! I was in “the real world” now, without the safe comfort of my well-stocked fridge to support me. I continued to make decent, reasonable choices.
It was my friend’s birthday and we celebrated by going out to dinner, just us girls – me, BFF, BFF’s twinsis, and their good friend – the birthday girl! We had teppenyaki. Um. YUM. After living for nearly seven years in Japan and being part asian in ethnicity, I looove me some good Japanese food, not to mention some sticky white rice! I’ve grown up with it, eaten it nearly everyday of my life til I got married! I made a good choice and had about 1/3 of the rice – just enough to enjoy it and not to over indulge. I left feeling treated, satisfied, no longer hungry but just right.
Later, we went to a local bar and I decided I wasn’t going to drink. Yeah, that didn’t exactly hold true. I did start to indulge in some deelish delights which is saying something since I do NOT like the taste of alcohol – if i drink anything, it’s usually something like malibu and pineapple. However, we ordered something called “Blue panty dropper” and yeah, that was soooo yum! In fact, I just got off of the phone with my friend and found that I probably drank more last night… than I ever have! No worries, people, don’t worry too much. I have never been drunk, persay, andit was spread out over several hours, etc, I didn’t drive. However,I have no clue how much calorie-wise that drinks add up to. This is very unusual for me, so I’m letting go and moving forward. No dwelling! And a good example of that is, afterwards, we went out to eat – midnight meal – super early breakfast, I didn’t order anything. I figured I wasn’t hungry enough to actually want anything. If I was going to eat, I was going to REALLY want it. Go me!
Then… it happened. The waitres came with her massive tray of food for everyone… but… me. The pancakes, the eggs, the hashbrowns, the bacon… jeez-o-pete! I was drooling… in my soul. My BFFs rye bread made it past me and I suddenly wanted to reach out and snatch it from her plate. I wondered if I could order JUST toast? Just rye? Rye isn’t so bad!! So, then BFF offered to give me a slice of her bread, and BFF’ssis, offered me a slice of hers. I just got two slices of rye bread. I savored each crispy, buttered bite. When I was done, I was satisfied – I felt like I’d had a treat, too. But surely that was enough. For me. I had no judgement for the others with their delectable delights, but I was just very pleased with my self restraint. I had something, but it wasn’t too much. It was fair.
The biggest triumph came this morning. I left BFFs house and realized I was hungry. I was also… alone in the car. This meant that i could have FAST FOOD. Ohhh dear goodndess gracious, I haven’t had fast food in like a month or more, maybe more like 6 weeks. And for a girl who ate fast food at LEAST once a week, if not twice, that’s pretty major. I wanted to get a humburger and some fresh, salty fries and a crisp bubbly brown soda. Yes, brown. I can’t have any dark carbonated drinks during my weight loss journey. I was thrilled for a brief moment. Then i thought about a few things. Like, how good it would taste – oh yes, so true. But only for the brief moment it was in my mouth. As soon as I was done I would have felt quite differently about it all, not to mention how my body may have reacted and felt. I’ve felt such tiredness the past few years, and now that I’ve got more energy, I have affirmed that low energy had so much to do with my carb addiction. Anywho, I decided against it – to just go home without anything to eat. Then I realized that it was past noon, and that, too, was unhealthy. So, I drove straight into a nearby gas station and got an apple, a string cheese and a bottle of water. Who in the world is this??
She’s still the girl who fights indulgences at every turn, and gives in too (ahem, blue panty dropper?) but is slowly becoming more conscious, more thoughtful and starting to even plan a little and weigh her options in more ways than one. Such an interesting turn of events.
