So, tired. Phsyically tired. Emotionally tired. Even my heart is tired. Bleghghgh…
I won’t get into it too much, but my life has taken a beating in the past year. Things are definitely better now, no doubt about it. Husband and I separated in January of ’08 and got back together (well, he moved back in) February ’09. So, yeah, it’s a new thing having him back in the house. We’re most definitely better people because of the separation, too. Some of the hard things are during that separation we both saw other people. Him casually and me seriously with just one person. I didn’t think our marriage was going to continue, so I opened myself up willingly to a new thing. Shutting that person out of my life to let husband back in has been a dirty process, too, because that relationship had it’s issues, too. I’m just drained in so many ways. But when it comes to the love in a person’s heart, being bounced around and completely confused – getting back on track is a major overhaul in itself. The reason I bring this up is when I went out with BFF on Saturday, I heard a song that I had heard a 100 times before, but this time I really really heard the lyrics. Yeah. Not good. I proceeded to cry in the middle of the bar! It was ridiculous! Thank goodness for girlfriends. BFF and Birthday Girl reminded me… everyone has cried in that bar. LOL!! Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-a-alcohol!!
Anyway, I’m physically tired, too. I just got back from the gym – woohoo go me! It’s a wonderful thing to realize that you are on the path moving towards the goal that you’ve said for the majority of your life that you’ve wanted SO much. Nevermind reaching the goal (which is really ‘health’ and continuous forever) but being on the right path is a beautiful thing. Way more beautiful than brie on fresh bread. (A close second haha!!) I’ve decided to make it my goal for the next two weeks to just GET to the gym THREE times a week and go for TWO longer walks (I walk the dog a short distance often, but want to extned two walks) each week. I don’t care so much what I do when I’m actually AT the gym – I’ll analyze that later. Right now I just want to make it habit to GET there. And eventually to get the results I want, I know I’ll have to up those days, too. But right now, just working into making it a habit to pack and get there. 
Another way I’m exhausted is my kids. My darling daughters. Awesome, cool, adorable, sweet, funny, intelligent daughters. As awesome as they are, they’re still also ages 2 and 4… and are a job in themselves. For instance – we got back from the gym, they fell asleep in the car for no more than TEN minutes. Here I was delicately transferring them to their beds as slowly and quietly as I could. Within 2 minutes of shutting both their doors, one comes out in dress-up clothes proclaiming she needs to pee and the other is whirring a toy blender in her room. A LOUD toy. Sigh…
Anyway, I also have a LOAD of housework on top of me. We’re doing some revamping of our house to get us excited again about living here – since the economy isn’t so sweet for selling homes… which is too bad because it’s awesome to buy! Well, I’ve sat here for a few minutes to write this and I suppose that’s enough of a rest for any stay at home mom. Enough? HA!! But appreciated, yes…
It feels so good to have eaten well today and also exercised. I really need to have more options ready to go because I’m eating too little at times and that leaves me feeling a tad shaky – can’t be having that! Especially now that I’m trying to build muscle and keep up with everything on top of working out. 
