I’m having a really hard day today. I want to order pizza and inhale it. I know this is wrong. Maybe it’s the weather, but mostly it’s a bunch of things getting to me. But I’m so close to ordering a damn pizza… I need to just busy myself. As pathetic as it may seem, I’m just warning you now. I’m going to edit and update this post all through today whenever the urge takes me. Just one day at a time… I hate how food affects me so. I hate that there are emotions I experience and don’t know how to identify or handle them.
And like I said to BFF, maybe it’s just a dreary day and a cranky mood and I don’t need to overanalyze it. I wish BFF2-Star was home! But she works now 
I need a job. But I could only get one at night, after 7pm and not so late that I lose sleep – gotta get up with the kids, afterall. Hmm… I need out of this house where I can never stay on top of anything and can’t get a moment of peace from the loudest little girls on the planet. Sorry, I guess I’m just having a woe-is-me day and I’m about to resort to pizza to temporarily fix it.
But I know that isn’t the right course… and so I will desperately try to busy myself and my mind.
1:16pm
BFF tells me that today is 1/3 over. I bet to differ. In my eyes it stretches along right out in front of me forever til it meets the skyline. I just ate four cups of cabbage – maybe closer to 2 cups, steamed, maybe more. Along with with some chicken stuffed with other veg. It was tasteless. It made me more cranky. But at least I’m full enough to avoid a binge for another hour. My craving has now just turned from pizza to cookies. Thank goodness I’ve got none in… yet. Now I’m going to drink some hot tea to top off my cabbage and hope the faux-full feeling I’m experiencing will bring me some contentment.
3:53
Battle between master bath and Nicole. Nicole wins.
Battle between oven range and Nicole. Nicole wins.
Battle between stainless steel appliances and ther fingerprints and Nicole. Nicole WINS!
I’m having my required afternoon snack. The kind I have to actually buy from Slim 4 Life. I love this one. It tastes so yum plus it has tons of protein to keep me going. The day is far from over, but I seriously cant believe I got this far. I really really thought TODAY was the day I have a MAJOR binge. I thought surely Nicole vs. Pizza, that Pizza would win. I’m really proud of myself. And that’s not something I ever, ever say lightly.
5:31
The feeling is returning Makes me wanna CRY!
Tags: binge, hard day, weight, weight loss
