Why is it when I titled this blog entry “A New Day” I felt like a failure? It’s SO dumb! But y’know what, I’m making the changes to be more positive and to change the way that my mind works, so I will focus on the fact that I was aware, I held back and resisted where and when I had the strength to. I was sick yesterdayand the last thing my stomach was going to handle was a bunch of protein and veggies! I couple days off the trail, doesn’t render me lost forever, right?
So, I haven’t stepped on the scale, but since I don’t feel like there is a hole in my stomach that I must have gained weight. blech, but it’s okay. I have been so … uncaring about my weight and diet for so long, that I do not want to go on the other end and become all obsessed. I am making small moves in the right direction in so many ways. That’s what sets “this time” apart from all of the other times. When I look in the mirror, I see my potential instead of ignoring my body completely or focusing on the bad things.
Been feeling a bit down lately. I’ve been working hard at being SUPERMOM for quite a while now, but man… I’m ready for something different. I’m happy I had to opportunity to stay home with my children for the first few years, but my goodness – it’s HARD and I’m ready to start contributing to my household in another way. That being said, I’ll always be part supermom… because at the end of the day, the kids arent going to raise themselves and the house certainly isnt going to clean itself. But I’m ready to kind of check out the weather in the job world – even though everyone is competing like crazy for the open jobs, for my own sanity, I need to get ‘out there’ as well.
Lots to think about. It feels close to impossible and a bit discouraging especially when husband says stuff like why should I work for hours and hours when he can make in one hour of freelance what I would make in two days on the wages I’d make. It’s so fruuuustrating!!! I am actually a photographer. But obviously during the tough economic times, people aren’t dropping hundreds on a professional photographer for portraits! I would love to find something in this field that is more steady….
Anyway, lots to think about. But trying hard, hard, hard to keep my health a priority. Not to mention my marriage lets’ not forget that husband and I lived in separate homes and dated others for a YEAR before he moved back in in February. Blehghghg…
My mom also reminded me, in the creative field that i want to be in, my looks can’t help but play a role. So losing weight would benefit me there, too. When she says that, though, blehchch, it makes me feel like my current look is working against me. UGH!
Okay, this has been a random entry hasn’t it. Just multi-tasking and running back and forth between kids, housework and blogging. Which also shows how badly I multi-task, eh? focus, focus…
* Photo by Ladyhawk365
Tags: career search, faling off wagon, sahm, weight loss
Let’s honestly take some time and think about what we both could be doing differently career wise.
And bluck to your momma (you know I love her) but still, for even saying those things to you!
Oh and it’s not about making money, it’s about getting back out there, having a bit of purpose other than being a mother. Hubby should know that best because he needs to feel important at work. Don’t let his comments bother you too much. I feel this would be a huge soul lifting experience for you. Then when you come home, you’ll appreciate your kids more because they haven’t made you crazy all day ahahahaah