So, if I were some hardcore chick, I’d be on my last day of Jillian’s 30-day SHRED today!  (I just thought in my head – how nice that would be!) However, I missed several days in there, a couple therefore have another week to go to make it 30 days.  But since I was so whiney in my last thread (and many threads before that) I figured I’d write something good! haha… I did the Shred this morning and it was my first time in a while.

Last night I went to hip hop which is an hour long and man, that was TOUGH.  Maybe it was beacuse I’m getting over being sick, but so many times I thought of walking out, but instead I just took it a bit lower key and I made it through – and that’s what counts.  I know our bodies are capable of more!  So, I knew I could do the Shred this morning, no excuses.

So i did and yeah some parts were tough – my lungs weren’t happy about the jumping jacks – thank goodness they dont last too long!  But anyway, the positive part was, when I got to abs, I was able to get through the entire thing, without missing a beat!  I started to think about how my core has seemed stronger and more just… tight and balanced – like I didnt think I was going throw my back out by carrying both kids through the parking lot.  I just feel more balanced and its something you cant SEE, but is a healthy improvement that you can feel – and that means more to me than the scale right now!

So hurray!  One more week to go – I hope to kick it all out in a week so I can get it DONE and move on!

That being said, I have NOT moved on to level three.  It was the last thing I was gonna move on to after being sick… so maybe after tomorrow I will give it a try – we shall see!  (I chose that photo of that woman because not only is she building her core… but she looks like she’s celebrating!!)

The New Year is upon us people!  And yes, its’ just more days and business as usual, but it always gives a nice feeling inside of a fresh new start   Hope you’re doing something great to celebrate!  Any New Years Resolutions going on?

I refuse to do make weight related resolutions this year!  Of course I will continue to work on it, but here are my resolutions thus far:

1.  Declutter – that means not only declutter my house, but also declutter my life! I do better when I have less on my plate and for the past several months I know I’ve been overextending myself to the point I’m not able to give my best to anything!  I’m also going to ‘take out the trash’ – not just in my house-o-clutter, but also in relationships – I’m gonna rid of those friendships in my life that bring drama.  I don’t need drama, I want to surround myself with positive things!  Those particular friendships I have decided are completely not worth my time and it’s OK to say NO!

2.  Make healthy dinners, and make them earlier!  I’ve only recently taken on an interest in cooking.  Before hubby did it more than me and when I did, it was just to feed everyone, something I just muddled through.  But now, I’ve developed an interest in it!  So, since I’m learning so much now, I might as well steer it in a healthy direction and put. down. the. Paula. Deen!!!

3.  Simplify. That goes with declutter, I suppose, but since it’s such a big issue I want to nearly CURE, I want to make a priority, I want to be able to give more to the things that are so important, my marriage, my children, my health and nurture the relationships that are important and stop trying to be the everything go-to woman!  I want to be there for people who need me, but have more limits!

Someone, remove my kitchen from my house!  And heck, while you’re at it – take my purse AND my carkeys!!!

Ughhh.

I don’t like self hatred, its so uncool.  But I’m feelin’ some of that today.  This is so pathetic, but people – it’s just honesty.

I. keep. eating.

lots.

0oooo

I am supposed to go to the gym this evening and I’ve been coming up with excuses for hours.  I seriously have to.  But man…

UGH.

Coley. Get. yourself. togetherrrrr.

In the middle of being sick, do you ever have those moments where you’re like “Will I ever be well again?  I took for granted being well!”  Plus, I spent two days unable to talk – it made me feel so cut off from the world.  I couldn’t even parent!  My children are used to a vocal mom and they don’t usually voluntarily watch and quietly listen as I boss them around, lol. Although toward the end of the first day, they had adapted and were very acommodating to me

LOL.  I don’t get really sick very often.  If I do, it’s a little cold that lasts a day or so.  But on Christmas day, I started to feel blah and my voice was gone by Christmas evening.  And then the next two days I spent feeling horrible!  Saturday, I spent mostly sleeping in bed every few hours.  Sunday, I ventured out of my bedroom but stayed firmly planted on the couch, going in and out of consciousness there, too. lol.  I looked a SIGHT as well – really lovely … not! Hubman and my parents were great, thank goodness, or I think this sickness would have hung around even longer. I’m so glad my folks live close-by again!

Aside from having a hideous cough that would make anyone is my 20 foot radius run, I’m feeling a lot better.  Alas, this means I haven’t exercised since the 23rd!  It has now been FOUR DAYS and I know my lungs/chest/cough aren’t up to doing jumping jacks today either.  I did plan from bed this morning on taking the kids for a walk.  However, gazing outside I see how the roads are still icy.  … hm…

Anywho, I want to give a shout out to TAMMY for having Shredded so consistently and it’s been paying off because the girl is dropping the pounds and looking hotter than ever!  Check her out here!

I celebrate Christmas, so that’s what I wish you!  However, however it is you live your life, I hope you’re having a wonderful time of it today.

Our girls woke us extra early with excitement.  Good thing we blocked off the stairs with the baby gate last night, or I’m sure they would have been down there gazing at it in wonderment in the wee hours of the morning, before the sun even came up.

We awoke to our 5 year old exclaiming, “The carrots are smaller!  The reindeers took a bite!”

Ahh, the magic of Christmas as a child.

And hubman and I went overboard and made out pretty well ourselves, too.

I plan to eat whatever tickles my fancy today, but keeping in mind of the Okinawan practice (I lived in Okinawa for years!) of

“Hara Hachi Bu”

which means ‘Eat until you are 80% full’

I will leave you with a photo of my girls with Santa taken yesterday. Their facial expressions say so much about their personalities – haha!  Actually our youngest is actually very happy, bubbly and outgoing… but with strangers or anyone she’s not in the mood for other than family, she will please no one with a smile.

I was shopping with my kiddos yesterday, getting some last minute bits-n-bobs for stocking stuffers n such.  At one point, I looked over my shoulder and saw someone standing to my right.  Of course I recognized her – my reflection in a mirror.  But for a moment, I was surprised to see my face and how chubby it looked.

I was really happy after losing that 30 lbs to see how much my face had slimmed down.  It seemed to have the most changes from my weight loss, so that was nice.  But not only have I gained weight (since my recent lowest) but I’ve been having more salt than usual as well, and it’s showing.

It’s frustrating but it’s also just a reminder that I need to catch myself… now.

- I went and saw New Moon last night, the 2nd installment of Twilight, as most of you already know.  And seriously, if they could get some scrawny kid to look like THAT – that just shows what hard work and dedication can do.  It isn’t normal for teenage boys to look like that with just recreationally working out – which is what I do, so if I want to take this further, I’ve got to push myself further.  And seeing him having accomplished that, was really encouraging – I can take this as far as I want…

I talked to hubman last night about getting back on plan, both of us.  He was working out so much but stopped several weeks ago as life was starting to get so busy and we pushed that further and further down on our list of priorities.  (Just an FYI, DH recently got a new job, which has been exciting, but it’s also changed A LOT for us financially and that is a challenge) – anyway, so yeah, having him on board is awesome.

Anyway, I am just curious as to what life holds in store for me when I work and accomplish my goals – not just with the way I’ll look and feel, but also with the changes that will happen in my mind once I believe in myself, believe in my abilities?  I know I’ve talked about this many, many times – but seriously, this is more than a scale-going-down story, and those changes in our minds take time, and that’s okay with me, so long as I get closer!

I like wordpress!  It’s easy to use, simple to navigate – good stuff!  However, I’ve noticed you blogspot-peeps have some nifty blogs!  I like some of the features i’ve seen on yours that I can’t seem to do with my blog – maybe I could if I had a paid membership and knew all the fancy stuff to personalize it – alas I don’t.

Should I switch?  And have any of you switched from WordPress to Blogspot?  I wonder if I could change over my domain as well?  I’ve just been thinking about it for a few months now – figured I’d get your opinion.  ANd maybe you use something else to blog with?  Let me know!

Thanks

Gosh, I’m so whiney lately, eh?  I have had this on and off headache for a week now and it’s making me crazy!

Anywho, just popping in  to say that I fell off track over the weekend – haven’t Shredded and my eating – HA!

I even started this morning off badly – but man, i can’t wait til tomorrow, I have to start changing it now.  Now, now now.

I could SEE my weight over the weekend.  So often I just don’t see it as that bad.  I saw it this weekend and I’m sick of it!  I’m also irritated with the feelings of being not good enough, what a waste of emotion to feel something so negative.

ALso – I weighed myself in a 15 days of the Shred… and really irriated to see only 3 lbs lost.  I think about why things arent different and I know.  Because for some dumb reason, when I dont lose weight how I want – I suddenly think, eating MORE crap is exactly what I need!  After week 1 on the Shred and eating beautifully, I gained a pound and that was really irritating.  But of course we ALL can say in unision – keep it up!  But I didn’t, I resumed eating like the girl who got UP for well over 300 lbs.

So, I figured I’d give it a couple more days and hopefully drop another 2 lbs so I could say I lost 5.  Alas, this morning, at day 21 (and 17 of those days doing the Shred) – I am down three pounds.

MOving on.

Alright, I’m going to chug some water now, prepare a nice salad for lunch with protein and colorful veggies and then I’m going on a walk with the kids – and that’s that.

Oh yeah, also, I just chatted with a friend from high school – she’s lost 90 lbs in six months.

Yeah… I want to join some of that success!

ALSOOOOOO – hello new readers!  Seriously, I can’t tell you what it means to me.  It’s very motivating, encouraging and just an all around positive feeling.  Thank you!  I really am not always this woe-is-me, but as you know, this journey has ups and down galore!  I really feel like I’m on the verge of some success… so let me find my footing and keep checking up with me!  And to my other regular readers – thank you for being there as wonderful encouragments and inspirations.  You’re so awesome!

I’m still here!  The past few days have been the busiest ever!  And I’ve got another couple to come!  Next week will calm down lots – hurray!  So just tidying around the house to do, and the countdown to Christmas!  I’m so excited for my girls to experience it, their ages are just perfect!  If you havent seen it already and you have youngin’s, check this out.

For a really personalized video message from Santa!  I set it up for my 5 year old and her eyes just twinkled, she she even blushed!  Awww!  I’m so scared for someone to tell her about Santa, so I’m cherishing the wonder that she’s experiencing right now!

So, sorry I haven’t been around – and I’m double sorry I haven’t been visiting other blogs as well – I will get back into the swing, but as for now I have hardly had time to check emails and sit down at the computer for a moment   Hope you’re all very well!

Quickie post – yesterday during my Shred, I went into plank pose and did it kind of rushed and heard and felt something pop in my right wrist – youch!  It didnt hurt for the rest of the day – but then in the middle of the night I felt it hurting and it doesnt hurt just sitting here, but if I tossle it in anyway, like I reached for my toothbrush and kind of hit my hand on my magnifying mirror and it throbbed!  So, I know there’s something up.  Our health insurance recently changed, so I don’t want to go to the doc just yet – I might get a brace and wear it for a couple days and see what happens.  There doesn’t appear to be any swelling that I’ve noticed.

BAH!  I will NOT be doing my Shred today, but will go for a long walk in it’s place.

No, not my before and after photos – because yeah, lets’ just say I don’t see those anytime soon.

No matter, I love looking at before/during/after photos!  Last night I was just browsing some vloggers I follow on youtube and one sprung to mind that I hadn’t checked in a while.  Her youtube name is “Citydoll” and I watched her blogs as she journeyed through getting weight loss surgery.  She was denied at first, I believe, and the whole process was very emotional for her.  However, after she got her surgery, she rarely posted vlogs.  Because, like many others, she was busy out living her life!  So, I had gotten out the habit of checking on her so I did yesterday and as just shocked at her new self!  If you’d like to see her before and after (although she wants to lose more – even though she looks fab as she is) – check her here.  Such a gorgeous girl despite her weight:

Before: (go to 3:45 for full body shot)

After: (go to 3:05 for full body shot)

So, when I saw her I was like, Gah!!!  I felt frustrated with myself because I was fat before when she was, too.  And now she’s thin and I’m still fat.  That being said, I should be happy that I have shed weight at all, right?  It’d be worse to be over 300 still.  Anyway, I started looking at more before/afters at obesityhelp.com.  All of those people in the before/afters gallery have lost weight with weight loss surgery.  However, I find them still to be very motivating just seeing what is possible, you know?  That being said, I sometimes do get bummed for a little while because I just don’t feel like surgery is an option for me.  I’ve been considering it on and off for about 8 years and just can’t bring myself to go any further than casually discussing it with my PCP.  It’s real surgery, it’s so permanent, even if you only get the band, its IN there all the time.  You can’t overeat for the most part, which is good, but that means you’re eating half a cup of food for THanksgiving?  I don’t think I want that!  I think it’s a great tool for many, and who knows what the future will bring.  But I really really really want to be able to accomplish weight loss results without having to undergo surgery.

So, anyway… yeah, that’s been my thought process lately.  I want it, I want it.  I see what’s possible and how amazing they look and I hear how happy they are in their blogs and such, and I want that… just without the surgery part.  It seems so impossible much of the time, but I can’t stop trying!  I also have this fear of losing too much weight which I’ve heard a lot about on blogs and vlogs – people who cant keep weight on – can you imagine that?  That would be scary!!  Or some lose their enjoyment in food completely!  That wouldn’t be cool!  I’m sure for some people, it’s a great tool, but I don’t wanna lose that.

Just wanna be healthy, active and to feel pretty and normal!

—

Just one day weekend was okay – could have done better, could have done way, way, worse.  Not too bad – stayed on track, using my weekly flexpoints thingies.  Today I’m trying to be stricter and also do my Shred and get in a half hour extra cardio past that.