I’m sitting here – trying to avoid the dove ice cream bar in my freezer. I got them just a few days ago when I wasnt eating well at all. And I haven’t the strength to the throw it away. Nor will I allow my kids to have “the good stuff” – they can stick to their popsicles – haha!
Thing is, I have enough points to have this dove ice cream bar.
But I’m scared. I’m scared because I’m addicted to sugar. I’m scared that if I have it, I will crave it tomorrow morning, and a bad morning will result in a bad day, which could result in a string of bad days. This early in the game, we hold on by “the skin of our teeth” – what a weird saying. Thing is, it isn’t just for now. I was talking to a friend today who I’m over the moon to report has lost an amazing 75 lbs!! She tells me it’s STILL hard day to day. I mean, ugh, this isn’t new information for me, but I feel at this moment of strength that failure is imminent. Okay, so yes I know the biggest changes need to happen in my mind – heck, an overwhelming percentage of change needs to happen in my brain – putting aside making new habits and keeping active, I’ve got this idea in my head that I will fail again, it’s my destiny to always struggle. Ridiculous!
Anyway, i dont’ want to focus on that and tear it apart with thought that won’t get me anywhere tonight. All I know is, I’m typing this, hoping my urge to dive into the freezer will pass. I guess I’ll go fold laundry and remind myself:
I will not starve.
This feeling, this urge to eat does not mean the house is empty and I have to inhale it all because it won’t be there tomorrow.
Now say it again, Coley… yes, that’s right.
mini-update: Hubman just brought me a pear, not knowing of all the things swirling around in my head.
He said “Here, eat this pear, it’s perfect.”
He was right.
And guess what, the Dove ice cream bar can taunt me another day.
