If only it was outside in a jogging fashion.

But I’ve been keeping busy.  Doing my just.one.day. challenge has been good, although last night, I can’t say much for that.  I was supposed to go out and see the movie, Precious, with my mom.  But Hubman got home late, so we missed it (grr!) – anywho, since he brought home some food… and I was a hungry woman who had very little control.  I ended up having bread, brie and salami!  GAH!!!  I feel all fat in the face today, swollen from salt, no doubt.  Sigh!  Today will be challenging as well since I had two b-day parties to go to, but I decided not to go to one, which I feel bad about, but it’s over 90 minute drive and then I’d have to leave early from the first one to rush another 90 minutes (or more) back up to be at my nephew’s bday party.  Too much, man!  So, that will make it slightly easier.

I’m happy to see I’ve dropped a couple of pounds on the scale, but I’m not doing an official weigh-in til the 15th.  Also, I did NOT Shred on my first just.one.day challenge, I think I already said – but I didnt want my appetite to hike up as it does when I work out.  However, yesterday was my first day doing Level 2 in the Shred.  One of my lovely readers asked what the shredding was all about – and just to let her know, a couple bloggy friends and I are doing Jillian’ Michael’s 30-day-Shred which is an intense exercise for only 20-25 min per day!  Level two was challenging, man, some of the moves that looked easy when I skimmed through the video (to be prepared haha) looked simple enough – HA!  um.. NOT.

So, anywho, that’s where I”m at.  This time of year – no kidding, more than I ever I am busy and there are endless occassions that tempt me to eat – it’s a toughie, it really is!  I’ll be happy to have gotten through the holiday season losing just a couple pounds, or even not gaining!

So, me and the too-dang-cool-for-her-own-good, aka Jenn, check her out here, have decided to keep track with each other all day – and even report the tidbits we put into our mouths – as a desperate attempt to get ONE GOOD DAY under our threatening-to-tighten belts.  Such a simple concept – and yet, here we both are – early afternoon and… going strong!

I’m feeling hunger now and I KNOW I need to have a healthy snack or else it will turn into a full blown binge come 4pm.  However, with my trusty cell phone by my side, and Jenn on the other end of my digital lifeline, (haha, lifeline, like Millionaire show, haha like she was on.. haha.. ok moving on) – I’m moving on to the 2nd half – and for me the HARDEST PART – of my one.good.day.  (and the first of a long, long line of them!)

I tried to take nifty photos of myself to post here like Jenn, but I look like a very, very forgotten woman, who’s forgotten herself (my hair so all over that it looks alive, my wardrobe atrocious!) so I’ll leave you with Mr. Puddin’ Cup.  He couldn’t be any cuter unless he was in front of me… but then I’d have to eat him.

And Jenn, I’m down for the just.one.week. challenge

I did my workout today, but really half-arsed.  And… I didn’t work out Sunday.  My eating is off track again and my body doesnt like it.  Really, it tells me.  The week I was shredding each morning and eating well, i was sleeping well.  Now, Im uncomfortable during the night, waking up often and just generally digestively messed up.  I was like this for weeks before starting the shred, too, so I know now that’s what it’s been about.

I’ve got my … visting Aunt.  And it’s really affecting me as I’m on a birth control method where I shouldnt be having a visitor at all – sorry TMI sensitive peeps!  But i can seriously feel my hormones surging, i’m sensitive, irritable and that cloud is following me again – heck, I have it on a leash and pull it along wherever I go.  Plus, it’s SO cold in this state lately, that I went into the garage a little bit ago, there was frost on the INSIDE of our garage door and when I opened the garage fridge to get a drink… it was warmer than the garage air!

I hope to get back on track soon.  I will work out tomorrow and hopefully not be so lacksadaisacal about it beacuse that makes me feel tired but not accomplished afterwards!  Bah humbug!

Seeing my bloggy friend around me do so well is killing me!  I want to join them so badly!!

Shred days 4&5 done.

I’ve surprised myself the past… hour and a half.  Yes, I did.

Not only did I wake up early on a weekend (I usually avoid this at all costs), to work out (and yes, I feel great).  But I also tracked EVERY. SINGLE. POINT. from last night’s sinful eating.  We were going out to dinner and I already knew I was gonna “be bad”.  I had a sandwich and steak fries and a chocolate malt!  I went to Red Robin – I did make small attempts to not be overly overly overly indulgent (ha) – like no refill fries and having half of my malt.  However, when I came home the real sin was even though I wasn’t hungry NOR was I even craving anything, I had that all-or-nothing feeling of “I’m gonna be back perfect all weekend, Coley, so get it ALL IN TONIGHT” which is neverrrrr a good idea.  I ended up coming home and going through the house for anything resembling a snack.

I could have written last night off and just moved foward, but I will only do half of that.  I will move forward, but I also sat down with my WW books and the computer and accounted for every. last. point.  I did.  I found out that what I thought was indulgent but not hideous was actually QUITE HIDEOUSLY RIDICULOUSLY APPALLINGLY indulgent – and it really turned me off.  I ended up using ALL of my flex points last night, but it’s ok.  Turns out, I can still be “on plan” and have had a great week – just gotta keep in line.

I’m really excited about that.

I’m sitting here – trying to avoid the dove ice cream bar in my freezer.  I got them just a few days ago when I wasnt eating well at all. And I haven’t the strength to the throw it away.  Nor will I allow my kids to have “the good stuff” – they can stick to their popsicles – haha!

Thing is, I have enough points to have this dove ice cream bar.

But I’m scared.  I’m scared because I’m addicted to sugar.  I’m scared that if I have it, I will crave it tomorrow morning, and a bad morning will result in a bad day, which could result in a string of bad days.  This early in the game, we hold on by “the skin of our teeth” – what a weird saying.   Thing is, it isn’t just for now.  I was talking to a friend today who I’m over the moon to report has lost an amazing 75 lbs!!  She tells me it’s STILL hard day to day.  I mean, ugh, this isn’t new information for me, but I feel at this moment of strength that failure is imminent.  Okay, so yes I know the biggest changes need to happen in my mind – heck, an overwhelming percentage of change needs to happen in my brain – putting aside making new habits and keeping active, I’ve got this idea in my head that I will fail again, it’s my destiny to always struggle.  Ridiculous!

Anyway, i dont’ want to focus on that and tear it apart with thought that won’t get me anywhere tonight.  All I know is, I’m typing this, hoping my urge to dive into the freezer will pass.  I guess I’ll go fold laundry and remind myself:

I will not starve.

This feeling, this urge to eat does not mean the house is empty and I have to inhale it all because it won’t be there tomorrow.

Now say it again, Coley… yes, that’s right.

mini-update: Hubman just brought me a pear, not knowing of all the things swirling around in my head.

He said “Here, eat this pear, it’s perfect.”

He was right.

And guess what, the Dove ice cream bar can taunt me another day.

Hello all!  Just a quick check-in.  I have SHREDded for three days in a row now – hurray!  I’ve been tracking points, but have been eating most of my activity points, which I’d rather not do, but I’m not gonna get upset about, since it’s not only allowed, but maybe as I adjust to restricting, I’ll be to able to check back a bit more as time goes on.

I feel good and the workout is still a good one!  It’s intense, but the best part is – the time, you know it’s not gonna be long! So yes, checking in – counting points – making better decisions – doing the SHRED!