Wasn’t my salad cute.
So, weird, yeah, scary salad. I was pacing around the kitchen wondering what to eat. I knew I needed something heathy but I didn’t see anything that looked remotely tolerable (yes, I am just that dramatic in my mind). Not to mention my house has temptation around all corners (yes, I hear you, my lovely readers, telling me to purge my house of these evil sirens that call me to their rocky shores!) However, they are still there, for now.
I reminded myself how much work I’ve done so far, and how hard it was just to pull through yesterday. That deserved me to be strong once more and serve myself.. remind myself how great I’d feel in the long run – I need to be happy with that more than the immediate gratification that I seek.
As I cut up my veggies and chopped my baked chicken, plopped down some greek yogurt and a bit of salsa… I felt a little bit of a thrill. I was naughty. Me and my naughty salad. We were going against the grain. We were REBELS against my old self, we were doing something different… we were moving forward despite all other things…
And my naughty salad scared me. I felt surprised by my own resolve. In the past I’ve often gotten through with a lot of help from others – hubman making dinners for me, not having many other options… but this time I have many options and yet I still haven’t reached for them. It was scary to feel like, now that I’m working hard – if when I fall, will I fall further and harder… will it hurt me even more? Will it be harder to get back up because of the history of my negative self talk and low expectations of myself when it comes to this issue?
It’s scary. Sounds odd, Iknow, but if its true for me – it must be true for some of you others out there. I feel almost like – you’ve gone this far, and you’ve struggled and held on – you can’t be a pu**y now!! Dont tap out!
The salad scared me because meal after meal, I’m surprising myself with these exceptional choices and it feels so, so strange. Exciting, but strange and I’m right now so scared of the fall – but trying to trust the process – be scared – but keep going anyway.
