Just a short entry for now.  I just had to tell you all something.  Ever since my last blog entry, I haven’t binged.   I haven’t eaten with some drive or purpose.  Granted, I haven’t tried to control myself and I certainly haven’t denied myself anything (except for soda, which I want one so badly right now!)   But since I’ve come to terms with the whole unworthiness, those deep negative feelings that I didn’t want to approach, deal with, confront… I haven’t binged or felt any strong desire that had some sort of uncontrollable feeling behind it.

Sure, there were times when my helpings at dinner were too large – but when I was done, I was done.  I was offered ice cream one time!  Everyone was making banana splits.  So, my mom told me to go up and make myself a sundae.  (I’m anti banana because I’m sorta allergic, or more like sensitive to them)  Anywho, I sauntered on up there and was like “where’s the chocolate fudge?”

Mom:  “It’s the chocolate chips, you just have to heat them up.”

I thought for a second and was like “Neh…” and just went back and hung out in the living room with the family.  I’m sure I got a couple weird looks.  Coley? Turn down ice cream?  Alas I did.  I just didn’t want it enough.  But that had never stopped me before!

As for my little 21 days things, someone mentioned that it’s 28 days.  I do believe that – I’d assume it takes longer to break a habit as well.  I still have not had any soda.  I have eaten past 8pm, though.  I have been making more efforts in the morning – although not always getting to the make-up part, I’ve gotten hair at least presentable and I’ve been dressed in clothes that are perfectly acceptable haha!

So yeah, just an interesting thing I noticed. I’ve accepted how I feel deep down, I see how feeling those things have brought me here and so many places in my life, believing those things deep down – and being more conscious about being more accepting of not only me as I am, but also accepting of feelings of anxiety rather than trying to push them down – it’s been kind of neat to experience.  We’ll see how the weeks continue…