How very interesting…
12 Apr
Just a short entry for now. I just had to tell you all something. Ever since my last blog entry, I haven’t binged. I haven’t eaten with some drive or purpose. Granted, I haven’t tried to control myself and I certainly haven’t denied myself anything (except for soda, which I want one so badly right now!) But since I’ve come to terms with the whole unworthiness, those deep negative feelings that I didn’t want to approach, deal with, confront… I haven’t binged or felt any strong desire that had some sort of uncontrollable feeling behind it.
Sure, there were times when my helpings at dinner were too large – but when I was done, I was done. I was offered ice cream one time! Everyone was making banana splits. So, my mom told me to go up and make myself a sundae. (I’m anti banana because I’m sorta allergic, or more like sensitive to them) Anywho, I sauntered on up there and was like “where’s the chocolate fudge?”
Mom: “It’s the chocolate chips, you just have to heat them up.”
I thought for a second and was like “Neh…” and just went back and hung out in the living room with the family. I’m sure I got a couple weird looks. Coley? Turn down ice cream? Alas I did. I just didn’t want it enough. But that had never stopped me before!
As for my little 21 days things, someone mentioned that it’s 28 days. I do believe that – I’d assume it takes longer to break a habit as well. I still have not had any soda. I have eaten past 8pm, though. I have been making more efforts in the morning – although not always getting to the make-up part, I’ve gotten hair at least presentable and I’ve been dressed in clothes that are perfectly acceptable haha!
So yeah, just an interesting thing I noticed. I’ve accepted how I feel deep down, I see how feeling those things have brought me here and so many places in my life, believing those things deep down – and being more conscious about being more accepting of not only me as I am, but also accepting of feelings of anxiety rather than trying to push them down – it’s been kind of neat to experience. We’ll see how the weeks continue…
This is hard frickin work isn’t it. I have been processing some mental crap for awhile now and finally seeing the sunshine through the clouds but it has been no picnic.
Glad you are able to get through. It is hard but it will be worth it.
it was me who mentioned the 28 day thing….it’s hard! i’ve been trying to get to 28 days in a row of drinking 2L of water and have gotten to about day 5 before having to start again. right now i’m on day 2 LOL!