So, my weight blog is going to be on hold for now.  As if it has been active for nearly 6 months LOL.

Anyway, Im writing about my Allergy and quest to find it all out – including trying gluten free, dairy free and my pregnancy with an auto-immune disease escapades over at:
Dancing With Dapsone.

Today was full of chills and blisters and burning rash.  I cried for what seemed like a good half hour at one point.  I hate this.  I just. hate. it.  Tried calling back and forth to all my docs.  I stayed gluten free today, but broke into a massive “flare” after I had gluten-free cereal with milk and a hard-boiled egg.  So, then it occured to me maybe I had a dairy/lactose/milk/whatever allergy.  After making a few calls, turns out I did NOT get blood tests to address allergies!  WTF?  And not just that, but after calling and calling and leaving al sorts of messages and waiting for replies, they would NOT do a skin allergy test on me because of the pregnancy.  I felt, at that point, like I was gonna have a full-blown FLIP OUT.  It was tough.

I also had someone tell me, if Dapsone was affective, it probably was NOT a food allergy.  But they also told me it wasn’t gluten/wheat/celiac.

So, where am I now other than with swollen, red eyes and hopeless feeling? lol… still going to stick to a GF diet AND tomorrow.. on to try dairy-free too.  What a frustration.   I didn’t think it was dairy, but I made an alfredo sauce for dinner – and poured a little over GF pasta, and within a few bites, I had rolling waves and chills all over and rising blisters… hideous, terrible, disgusting.

I’m going to self pay for a blood test for food allergies.  See where we get from there.  I took Benadryl a couple of hours ago and it’s definitely helping.  Doesn’t that mean I am having an allergic reaction?  It’s helped so drastically…
Sorry to rush off, it’s just been such a long day…

Coming to a close, day 2 of gluten free.  DARE I whisper that I think I feel a teensy bit better?  Only like 5% better, and it could also be my prednisone really kicking in, but dare I say it, I feel a little bit improved.  I still feel terrible, itchy, burny, tingly, all that – but I feel like I can tolerate today and maybe get through tonight with getting up just a couple times…. maybe…

I was thinking today, “Maybe this won’t be so bad anyway” and I know with time, I’ll get used to it and it will be a new way of life and it won’t be so bad… however… tonight I saw some pork chops in the fridge I really needed to use before they went bad.  So, I thumbed through my favorite cookbooks… yeah… not gonna work.  So I hopped online for a few recipes… blah… gluten is in a lot of things!  I knew this, but on another hand, I didn’t know it. I’m gonna have to get in some gluten-free cookbooks. Maybe for now, I’ll borrow some from the library.

I love several wonderful cooking blogs, do any of you know any popular, gluten-free cooking blogs?  I know they’ve gotta be out there!

EDITED in the evening of this emotional morning (see my original post underneath this one.

That was an emotional post.  It was frightening, it was devastating and I just felt no hope.  Can I just call out Katie J – you are an angel, a sweetheart, a wonderfully considerate person.  Taking the time to leave that comment just means the world when a person is just feeling so alone.  Thank you, you deserve everything wonderful.

I’ve decided despite what the docs say, I am going to go gluten free.  Went to the store today and got a few things to help me through the next couple of weeks.  I didn’t go nuts (even though the bill at the end of the shopping trip seemed like I did, gosh Whole Foods is craztalk, but I sure do love it there) – I will do mostly salads and veggies and meats and be careful about anything packaged that I put in m’body.  Although I got a Starbucks frap today without even looking into its gluten content, which just goes to show how careful I’m gonna have to be.  But in all honesty, I HOPE this is it, it sucks to be on this sort of diet (as I couldn’t even do the low cal, low fat thing well) but my day to day life depends on it, I can’t just not do it, there is no other option.  It must be dealt with, and in a way, as I stood crying int he shower this morning – maybe this pregnancy is a blessing – it forces me to DEAL with this, and not just hide behind medications.  I really, deeply hope this is a step in the right direction.  Heck, can I hope it cures me?  I will… why not hope for it…

Here I am crying and awake in the middle of the night. I’ve been keeping strong, but tonight it’s just terrible and getting to me emotionally.

I’ve had test after test after test tell me that my hellish rash is not Dermatitis Herpeformis, I do not have celiac, and gluten is not to blame.

Last year in late September, I had a huge water blister appear on my right temple. No rash, big like a pencil eraser, little did I know my life was about to change dramatically.

I have an intensely itching, burning, blistering rash – in between the blisters is itchy, painful burning red, raised “hives” even though they’re like no hives Ive ever encountered.  THey’re big, like continents instead of bumps.

Doctor to doctor to doctor, several referrals and  endless, endless copays, four biopsies later (that concluded nothing), I was controlling the devastating rash with prednisone and dapsone.  My rash did NOT come and go, it is constant.  Is that ever DH?  It is always constant without treatment.

So, I’ve been on some sort of treatment since November.  The higher my dose, the better.  With 150 mg dapsone and 70 mg prednisone, my rash was gone.  The scars and scabs were starting to heal and it was wonderful, but I knew being on those medications long-term was not safe. Here we are in July… still no cure.  I have weaned very slowly off of the prednisone. Dapsone is working, but at only about 85 percent.  I still continue to break out daily on my face with blisters. I’m ugly, but still, I can live my life.   I have other symptoms, waking up every morning with stomach pain, but whatever… no one knew wtf was wrong with me and at least life was tolerable.

SET IN:  Sunday, July 3rd 2011.  I discover I am pregnant.  I must stop the dapsone.  So here I am… my rash has only intensified since and I’m crying, unable to sleep at 4:39 am with my scalp, back, neck erupting in blisters, so itchy that I want to pull out my hair (Did I mention that it seems like Ive lost over half of it?  And the other half has broken off so I look like I have a mullet? All this hair loss has happened dramatically, and WAY more than normal over the weight loss… way, more, my hair is brittle, thin, wispy – I am unrecognizable now and resort to many methods, even sometimes wigs, to try to look normal)

I’m completely devastated.  How will I survive this pregnancy?  Should I get the “a-word”.. yes, it’s so unlivable in the middle of this night I’ve considered getting an abortion – even though that is NOT WHAT I WANT – as a woman with 2 other children happily married over 10 years to my husband, that is NOT what I want… but how will I survive this?

I WON! I WON!!!

Okay,  I started a new job and it requires me to be GLUED to the computer.  And so the last thing I want when I’m not working… is to be here!

Even though I have tons that I want to chat with you guys about!

Another thing… C25k still kicking my arse.  I just started week 4 which is dumb since I should be way further in.  But we’ve been packing and stuff (trying to move – long story)

Another amazing thing – for the first. time. ever.  I shopped and actually purchased clothing at Urban Outfitters today.  SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!  Seriously.  For years I’ve just WISHED I could.  I wouldnt even go into the womens section because it’d upset me.  I’d just stick to the decor and the men’s section stuff while hubman shopped.  Today, I tried stuff on.  It ALL fit (even though not all that well, some of it haha) and the stuff I BOUGHT, maybe a tad tight, but whatever – I fit it, they looked cute and yeah… that felt amazing

Week One – Day One

Did it!  It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, but I was sooo glad it was over when it was because I was starting to stare at the count-down haha!  I will have to find some earphones, as the ones I brought didn’t fit in my phone’s little outlet thingy, so I was left to listen to the sounds of the busy gym and watch the soundless tvs…

Still… we’ll see!  We’ll see!

I need to find a fun way to exercise!

I was driving home a few weeks ago, and a great song came on that always gets me movin’!  At that time, I stopped at a red light, and on the corner was some guy, dressed as The Statue of Liberty, dancing around and I felt this strong temptation to jump out of the car and dance right next to him! Hahah… it all played out in my head and gave me a good chuckle.  Sometimes I even have people watch me as I dance around in my car… of course the kids are in the back dancing along with me in their carseats… and often, my husband is driving, wishing he was far, far away from us. Hha!!

A few months ago I discovered this pole dancer chick on youtube.  She’s amazing!  And ever since then I’ve discovered a big community of girls who pole dance anywhere to reclaim their sensuality, practicing for their job (!) and also, some who just do it for fitness and fun!  Anyway, I’ve been toying with the idea for a few months, thinking I’ll try out a class for fun when I get under 200 lbs.  And I was chatting to hubman about it last night, and he said “There’s a groupon out on pole dancing today!”  And so I hopped online, and with 15 minutes to go – I scored 2 classes for 10 bucks.  Haha!  When will I redeem it?  I don’t know.  I still feel like I’m 280 lbs and worry that I’ll yank the pole straight out of the ceiling!

As my ol’ readers know, I take (or rather, used to) take Hip Hop dance classes at my gym.  When they held it for two years, I went twice a week and it really helped get me to the gym regularly.  Then it went down to once a week and I continued… then I stopped.  THen I started again in Januaray – like many of us, with such gusto!  That tapered off, as well.  So, what have I been doing for exercise?  Boring, ol, walking.  I know walking is good for you.  But I can rarely go without the kids, which means my pace is super slow, and when my pace is super slow, my dog is zig zagging back and forth.  Belgh.  So, I know I need to wake up earlier to go without the kids, or get out there in the evening.  MAKE it priority.

But what I want to do is find a FUN way to keep active.  I love tennis.  Or rather, I used to.  I played in high school and have played very occassionally since then.  But now, I don’t know anyone who would play with me!  Hubman refuses,… even though we have these amazing tennis raquets!  So… what do YOU do for fun?  I have a wonderful, beautiful bike that I’d love to ride more – alas comes into the issue – my 6 year old can ride a two-wheeler, but isnt so good on hills yet – and our area is super hilly.  And then I’d have to pull my 4 year old along in the bike trailer – but not sure I”m strong enough.  Believe it or not, that thing gets HEAVY uphill!!  Like – cant even move when standing up on the pedals heavy!

So, what to do, what to do to get myself moving?  Get up extra early to walk.  I’m sure it’ll feel nice to be out the early with the pooch, in the quiet… good for the soul, too.  But fun?  Notsomuch, and I already know it’s gonna take a lot of discipline to get myself to get out of bed early.

Then there’s the issue of biking.  I’ve gotta get my 6 year old more confident on her bike and also build my butt muscles through practice so I can pull my 4 year old along.

Pole dancing.  That should be interesting.  I sure wish I had a friend who’d go with me!  I will already feel so awkward as it is… I am looking forward to it, but I bet it’s even harder than I already think – and I already think it’s gonna be hard!

Find a craigslist person to play tennis with me?  I don’t want to conduct interviews! haha

What do YOU do to keep exercise fun?

It was made by Cacique, in Lane Bryant.  I called it my “sucker-inner”.  I loved that thing.  It was like a really high underwear.  It went all the way up to my bra – and best of all.. it STAYED there.  No rolling down.  Ahh… I loved it… and I’m pretty sure it loved me. 

I wore it for special occassions.  It was like 50 bucks when I bought it, so I couldn’t have more than one.  So, I wore it for fancy dates, or nights out with the girls.  That expanded to being worn with that certain tight top, or the other top that clung to my back fat.  It was also made of this lovely, smooth fabric – so nothing clung to it.  The only problem I did have was wearing it with pants – the slippery of it, caused my jeans to constantly need to be pulled UP!  But over time, my beloved sucker-inner started to show its wear.  With each rushed yank as I was running late and took forever to decide what to wear, I got a hole in the side… after 50 washes, the back started to do the dreadful “threaten-to-roll-down” – still, the front never let me down

Then weight-loss came… and there was no avoiding it.  Not only had beloved sucker-inner stretched out a lot over time, the holes were also bearing children – mini holes… it was time for suckerinner to retire.

I went to two Lane Bryant and tried to no avail to explain what I was looking for.  After giving me a tired, boggled expression where they seemed to communicate with their eyes “That never existed, crazy lady”, they showed me a couple things.. but they were not my beloved suckerinner!  They suggested Spanx.  My shoulders sagged… I already HAD two products from that brand.  What’s the big DEAL?  But I was desperate.  I had my runway show the very next DAY!  I would be watched very closely as I walked.  I did not need added jiggle to my wiggle!

I’ve heard all over and read all over about the miracles of Spanx.  I’ve heard praises of Spanx sung near and far!  I even owned a couple pair myself and wasn’t all that impressed.  They were tight.  So what?  I got the style that closest resembled what I needed and went on my less-than-merry way.

I slipped it on at home.  Eh, I GUESS it would do the trick, since I had no other options.

I wore it the entire next day.  And my mind changed with every passing hour, and every photo taken. Man, if you’re at all like me and not that impressed or maybe you haven’t even tried them yet.  Woman, give another Spanx a chance.  I am SO in love with my new high-top Spanx panty who I’ve lovingly named “junior” – yes, as in Sucker-inner-Jr.  How was it even possible that there was something that was BETTER than the original?  It stays UP.  It SLIMS.  And it’s tight, BUT I can still eat, drink and sit!  It has this lovely firm feeling, of everything being held in.  If you’ve lost a bit of weight, then you know that what you are left with is way more jiggly and action packed than your formerly taut chub.  It feels so nice to be all held in, and smooth.  And it’s so comfy, it doesn’t bother you.  You don’t go through the day going “girdle girlde.  girdle girlde? girdle.  yep… girdlegirdle”  It’s breathable (unlike Suckerinner Sr.).  It’s fabulous.  I would wear it everyday if I could.  And even though it’s not exactly cheap, it’s well worth it.  And I will be buying more when I get a paycheck… someday!

Give Spanx another chance if you’ve only tried a time or two.  And if they don’t work for you – sorry!  But yep, I’m in loooove!

SPANX YOU VERY MUCH!!

Do YOU have a style of Spanx that you love and think I should try?  I’d love to hear all about it!  YAYEEE foundationgarments!!

Maybe if I don’t make eye contact with the scale, I won’t feel any guilt from ignoring it…

Alright, that picture to the left doesn’t really depict the truth.  It’s sort of the other way around… I get in the shower and conveniently drop my robe OVER the scale.  It’s not that I tried really hard to hang it on the hook properly.  I just figure if I don’t see it… then… then… I don’t know what.

I’ve been avoiding stepping on it.  Because I hit my all-time low of 222 on April 2nd.  And everytime I got on the scale after that, the number just went up and up and up!  And it hasn’t even been two weeks – AYRGHHHHH!

It’s frustrating because I do feel like I’ve been making good changes.  I’ve stopped with all the juice and am almost completely on water and unsweetened iced tea.  I have increased my veggie servings at meals, and decreased my carbs quite a lot.  I am still over indulging in Starbucks coffee and home coffee with too much creamer.  And also eating sugar too late.  I also need to stop being so dang lazy and only doing walking as exercise.  I’ve only been doing walking!  Yes, I am lazy.  Who am I kidding when I’m irritated with weight gain and/or weight stalls, when I won’t throw this body to and fro in an aerobics class or break into a run when I’m out walking.  Blahhh!!  Yeah, who am I kidding.  How can I hope for WINNING results on the scale when I’m not putting in winner’s effort?
Ahhh… okay, okay… the scale isn’t hiding from me, I’m hiding from it.  And if I want to see a lower number, at this point at 222, the same stuff that got me away from 280 lbs isn’t gonna work.  I’ve gotta up the ante!!

WHO’S WITH ME?  WHO’s ready to make it happen like a Captain? Who’s ready to take it to the next level?… after I sit here for a bit longer…

Oh man.

LOL… alright, I gotta push it.