Sugar Shakes » Uncategorized

You guys couldn’t be cooler

sugarshakes — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 02:55:38 +0000

Seriously! Thanks for your great comments and messages, I really appreciate the love! I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but there is this weird clique thing that goes on between surgery peeps and ‘do it au naturalle” peeps and I’ve worried about maybe getting some hate. But I haven’t. Not from YOU guys anyway – much love!

Okay, so how am I doing? I’m doing okay. I feel like I’m healing well. Energy goes in and out. In one day, out the next. Today was an out. That’s kind of disheartening because you find yourself worrying about things, thinking the worst – like maybe you’re getting sick, maybe something’s wrong, maybe this won’t work out afterall…

I stepped on the scale this morning, and I’ve actually gained about a pound. Interesting since I’d been dropping weight like you wouldn’t believe. A few days before this, my weight loss had stopped – it just stay the same for a few days and then today with the gain, it was kind of strange. I started to think I had done something wrong. Thing is, a lot of the weight I probably dropped, was water weight – not being able to chug down water like I used to. So, I sip, sip, sip all day long and maybe I’m rehydrating, which is a really good thing. And this is gonna sound weird, but to be honest, I kind of needed a break from the weight loss. This whole journey is something no one could have told me, well – not that I’d fully understand. It’s surreal and odd, and even though weight loss is your goal, seeing the weight go down so quickly is also disheartening and foreign and it’s hard to connect yourself with the scale anymore. Where there was years when I felt like my weight was part of WHO I WAS (terrible, huh?) – I feel strange about it now. The weight goes down, and I forget how low it will be when I hop on the scale, so I’m kind of happy for the pause, the break in the weight loss. I want to be HEALTHY first and foremost, so losing weight slower is way great and I think it will continue that way.

I’m definitely mourning food. Because I recently cooked this incredible meal for hubman to say thank you for the fact that he’s been perfection since I’ve come home from surgery. He’s been JUST perfection. So helpful, taking initiative, making sure I’m comfortable and all without question or GUILT – which I give enough to myself, especially now. Anyway, I made him this amazing dinner and so I pureed some and had some myself. It was sooo delish, it was incredible – even I was impressed lol. But after three bites, I was DONE – full to the brim and it REALLY pissed me off inside. I just felt so stolen from. My stomach was STOLEN (um, voluntarily paying for this isn’t stealing Coley) and now I can’t have that feeling that I desire. I mean, it’s ridiculous – I payed for this, I wanted this, but man – coming to terms with having your choice taken away from you is this crazy-in-the-head thing. Add to that, I read this post today on obesityhelp.com about this woman having second thoughts about getting surgery because she wouldnt be able to chug this or that, or that she’d have to eat healthy stuff before carbs, sugars, etc – and she was reluctant and the change.

And that’s exactly what I’m going through. I KNOW to have success with my health and this surgery – CHANGE must take place – so all the things I miss and I’m moody about – in order to have EVER had success, I was going to have to change. Many people who’ve had success with the VSG tell me that food just becomes not so important anymore (that makes me sad) but they say, it’s NOT sad, you eat, you enjoy it and you get busy doing other things. It’s not like you used to do – dinners that go on and on and on and on… followed by desert. My mind , even though I knew it would have to change and I thought I was making those changes – no, I was aware, but awareness was just the first step. The surgery has forced me to act on those changes and man… tough… but necessary. For me, anyway.

So yeah, interesting thoughts. I’m not happy about surgery yet. I want to feel FULL and numbbbb – numb to what? Dunno! Life is beautiful! But I have a habit of zoning out, to let me forget about all the stuff that needs to get done that isn’t and I sure do miss my drug!

Alas, I’ll take it day by day, and slow down and breathe (as I’m forced to do) while I discover all the other things in life that don’t involve my addiction. Like COOKING!!! hahah, sounds funny, but seriously, I’ve taken such a delight in cooking lately – I guess since I can’t be INTO it, being with it in some way has definitely brought satisfaction.

I’m back!

sugarshakes — Sun, 25 Jul 2010 16:05:30 +0000

Hello all, thank you so much for your kind, thoughtful messages. It feels really special to know I’m cared for!

I’ve been back in town for… 5 days now, i think, and I’m recovering well. Today I’m off of clear liquids, and onto “full” liquids, which makes me happy as it’s been a very tough week. Now I can have protein shakes and yogurt and other forms of protein – other than isopure – BLAHHHHHHHH – which I avoided anyway.

I’m down a pretty surprising amount of weight. I’m 276 lbs now, down. Yes, you read that right. I’ve lost 21 lbs in a week. That’s Biggest Loser stuff man. But fear not, things will slow down now – but obviously I’ve been barely eating with my new small stomach. I have been recovering well, but it’s – read my lips – NOT. EASY. This is far harder than I imagined, in the mind, body and soul. I could write a novel about how much has changed in my head in just the first week.

Even though my weight loss success so far has been great, I have to admit – I’m still at this mid-place where I’m not happy I had the surgery yet. And I’ve read that this is normal. Right now, I’d kill to have my old stomach back. I tell myself – ohhh if I had my old stomach back, I’d RESPECT it now, I’d be HAPPY to just make healthy choices and STICK to them! But the truth of the matter is, when I dig deep, I know if someone gave me back my stomach now – I’d hop straight into the car, back to the county fair we were at yesterday, for steak on a stick and a funnel cake…

Anyway, I’ll let you guys know how I’ve been doing. I could talk for ages, but if you have any questions, just let me know. I hope you all are doing wonderfully. I’m gonna take off now and check on all of you as its been ages since I’ve read the blogs of my friends, and I feel so out of the loop!

This is the picture that kind of pushed me into making this drastic decision for myself. Not just the picture, but the picture was a sobering awakening:

Thank you so much

sugarshakes — Fri, 16 Jul 2010 03:19:11 +0000

To my gals who responded to my last post – thank you so much for your kind words. I can’t tell you how much it means to me.

Telling people about this surgery isn’t easy. So many people have very strong feelings against it and I do completely understand.

I guess we all just have to make decisions we feel comfortable with, some of us – it’s not for, and others it might be… and heck, some people who get it probably weren’t ready, too (I recently met one, actually) But anyway, thank you SO much for your kind words. I know you all are real friends, real ones. Thanks again for checking up with me and thinking of me. I will definitely update you both on when I return.

Please say a little prayer for meeee

A new plan

sugarshakes — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 03:38:06 +0000

Hi Everyone! Just a super quick update – I am moving FORWARD with weight loss surgery… and SOON. I will be getting the vertical sleeve gastrectomy VERY soon in fact, this weekend. YES, you read that right. I know a lot of you won’t agree with my decision and guess what – for once… that’s ok! Me needing and deciding to have this tool is enough, and I don’t need anyone’s approval. Support though is greatly appreciated. Thank you all for your support and listening ears all this time… I may or may not start another blog – I might even continue here, but I gotta think about it…
Just wanted you to know what I was up to Hope you’re all wonderful!

slowly slowly

sugarshakes — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 17:11:12 +0000

I’ve been doing pretty well at lowering my portions. Waiting before taking 2nd helpings, rarely taking 2nd helpings at all, in fact. Making smaller plates for myself, chewing slowly, taking more time. Asking myself and taking note of what’s going on in m’noggin before snacking and I’ve also been saying No more to things that I haven’t needed and “haven’t wanted enough” – instead of just straight up indulging ‘because it’s good’. It’s summer, afterall, so there’s been lots of visits to Coldsonte creamery and other ice cream joints – and I’ve been able to say no more. I’m willing to say yes, but only when I REALLY want it – and so far, it’s cool to be able to decide against it.

I haven’t been that active, though. GOing on walks with the kids every other day, but that needs to be more like every single day. I haven’t dropped any weight, but it’s leveled off which is good in its own way.

Just so you all know, i’ve been contemplating surgery again… and also contemplating getting a persona trainer instead. Just contemplating. Those who’ve read my blog know it’s a thought that comes and goes many, many times (the surgery thing) – and it’s not something that I want to do gung ho – as I’ve talked myself out of it for 10 years now…

I’m hungry

sugarshakes — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 21:59:31 +0000

Seriously. Can ANYBODY out there really say that they’ve lost a large amount of weight without feeling hungry? I hear people, read articles that say eat when you’re hungry – but at this point, my body was so used to having so many calories – I’m gonna have to DEAL with hunger, right? Feels like torture and I know I’m not into that sort of thing! Ugh… I wonder when this feeling goes away…

New direction

sugarshakes — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 15:00:54 +0000

I’ve been thinking, as of this morning, about revamping my blog. Maybe changing locations, maybe just format but the biggest change would be – the focus. I’ve read that Women, Food and God book that I’ve told you all about and it definitely has changed a bit in my head, in a great way. It’s interesting that I, who’s prided myself on being open minded and aware, really wasn’t that aware. But that’s okay, we learn and grow all the time. I realized that I’ve been living this life of brokenness. I’ll live after and when I lose weight, when I become the certain person that I want to be – I will live then. I will focus on life… THEN.

I’m a complete and full person NOW. I have things I need to sort out, yes. Things I need to pay attention to, yes. But that will always be! I am complete, and full… NOW.

Soooo, I’m thinking of starting up a just full-life blog, that will still have my ventures for a healthful life… but right now, I’m going to decide whether to move my blog or not. I like wordpress, but feel my free status here is limited until I pay- cha-chang. Soooo anyway… I’ll decide in the next few days if I’ll move things… and I’ll let you all know first!

I’m looking forward to having a full-life blog Not just one that I stay away from because I feel failed or stalled – I don’t need to focus on those aspects of life – only moving forward and rejoicing in where I am now.

by hand

sugarshakes — Mon, 31 May 2010 15:21:11 +0000

I’m a photographer and have been working a lot lately. Which is a good thing, but it also makes me attached to the computer a lot – so when I have free time – the last place I want to be in the computer. I’m sorry to my readers for neglecting this blog, and sorry for my friends that I havent checked up on you in a while. I’ve been journaling on paper each night, which I’ve been doing for years and is theraputic to me, but I shall return!! When work slows down, which it’s likely to do soon

I hope you’re all lovely – please don’t forget about me!

So tired

sugarshakes — Fri, 21 May 2010 14:26:46 +0000

Being a rebel – meaning not doing well. Trying to be aware, I think it’s a backlash of reading the book, and I expect and will make sure it’s temporary. The writer herself mentioned after she made the revelations that she describes in her book, there was a time of backlash somewhat…

Other parts of life are going well, although a little bit stressed since I’ve had a lot of work to do, all at once and it’s nearing the end of the school year for the girls and babysitting. Other than my health, I’m happy and content so that really helps the situation. My body doesn’t feel strong, though, and I’m just going to continue to do what I need to do to get my head in order and my body will follow

I almost forgot to add the reason I logged on – I started a new medication several days ago and it makes me SO. TIRED. I hope this doesn’t last much longer – I’m so tired, I deep breathe all day as if I AM sleeping, I’m always fighting nodding off – at one point I thought it was unsafe for me to drive!!! Also – being so tired just makes me crave carbs and sugar!!

Train me!!

sugarshakes — Fri, 14 May 2010 19:03:37 +0000

I stopped by my gym last week and met with a few personal trainers. I chatted with one in particular that I really like and think she will be a great match for me! Leave it to me, too, to choose the most expensive one!! She’s awesome though and now I’m doing what I can to FIND the money to make it happen. Really exciting! I’ve always loved working out once I get past the first few horrid weeks – so I’m pretty excited!

Did you guys catch Geneen Roth on Orpah the other day? What timing! Just after I was waxing poetic about how great the book was!